I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
