I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
