We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
