dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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