Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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