you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
