I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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