We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
