Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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