I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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