remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
