i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
