I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
