So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
