i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
