If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
