I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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