it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
