Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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