TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
