did you get engaged???
he was CRYING into my vagina
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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