Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
