How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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