i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
