I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
