checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
