He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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