I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
