I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
