i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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