Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you had me at cake vodka
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
