Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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