Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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