I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
