Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
