areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
