You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
