Your favorite bartender is back from prision
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
