Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
