No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
