Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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