i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
