you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
