He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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