I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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