If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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