Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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