i love accidental penises.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
