Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
