I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The power of my boobs compel you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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