Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
