I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
