I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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