I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
