i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
